Little Miss Confused

Do you ever feel like you are living between two worlds?

10:09 AM, February 24, 2008 .. 16 comments .. Link

I have this part of me that goes out in public. She is sweet and gentle. She doesn't like to anger people. Minds her manners and on the outside to anyone that meets her, looks like a little miss goody two shoes. She doesn't swear, drink or smoke. Is fiercely loyal to her husband, and by outward appearances, looks like she only has sex in the missionary position to fulfill her marriage contract. I call her the "Good girl"

Then there is this person on the inside. She wants to go out and party. She wants to go out and get drunk. She wants to get high. She wants to tell people exactly what she is thinking of them at the moment she thinks it. She wants to go out and pick up men or women she has never met and have wild sex with them. Would like nothing more then to be living in Las Vegas living the lifestyle of a high paid call girl! I call her my "bad girl"

So what part of my brain keeps me from "slipping" to the other side? What would happen if that "thing" that keeps me in the good girl mode went away?

It's funny that after all these years of being the good girl and shoving the bad girl in the back of my mind, the bad girl wants to come back out and play. How do I make the "bad girl" happy without doing anything that would get me arrested, back in rehab or divorced?

Untitled Comment

11:11 AM, February 24, 2008 .. Posted by DeeJay
I think we all have a "public" personna and one that we reserve for those we know and trust. There are things I just cannot do or say at work - that's just how life is. At home or with friends, I can be myself and let the four letter words flow if I want. Yes, I swear in front of my own children.

I do go out and kick back. I don't see anything wrong with having a good time. I'm not out getting arrested or turning tricks - I'm spending time with people I care about and enjoying myself.

You can do both, Lisa. You don't always have to be the sweetie pie girl. Grab hubby and go somewhere else. Maybe when finances are better the two of you could grab a hotel in the Cities or even go someplace further like Vegas for a weekend. I bet you'd have a blast!

.

11:17 AM, February 24, 2008 .. Posted by Cam

Interesting question...

I have never been married, and have always lived on the wild side.

I simply do whatever the hell I want to, and periodically I am fortunate enough to have one of my friendgirls with me to share in the fun...

It almost sounds like you are not allowing yourself to be YOU.

But, like I said, I somehow managed to make it this far with no marriage, so it's kinda hard for me to prescribe a cure...

My whole take on life is this :

BE what you are inside, and you will die with a smile on your face !

( I'll lend you my Vader helmet if it'll help ! )

Untitled Comment

12:39 PM, February 24, 2008 .. Posted by thebigp
Well I would think if you let out the bad girl slowly, in small doses you can probably find a balance between good girl and bad girl and become the "just right" girl instead?

Talk to the husband guy. I'm sure he'd be ok with small doses of the bad girl.

Untitled Comment

12:57 PM, February 24, 2008 .. Posted by LauriesAsylum
Dress up like a hooker. Go to a bar and sit there and drink a drink that looks like alcohol and flirt with some of the men. Have your husband sit quietly at the bar and watch you do your work. Then have him come up to you after awhile (pretend you don't know each other) and hire you for the night. Play it all out even after you get home. Act like that hooker with him, he'll love it and you'll get to play the bad girl.

Untitled Comment

7:18 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by littleMissConfused
DeeJay: I think I pushed the bad girl so far back in my past, that I don't know how to let her out sometimes. When I do, people tend to get this shocked reaction. I don't trust very many people, so outside of my husband and this blog, no one knows there even was a wild side.

Cam: you might be right about ME not allowing my self to be ME. I think my walk on the wild side ended so badly that I am afraid to go back there. I have played the part of a "good girl" for so long now that I forget how much fun that "bad girl" was having......I don't need the Darth Vader helmet, but you wouldn't happen to have a chauffeur's hat would ya? or a Limo?

P: Hubby is loving it that the 'bad girl" only comes out to play with him! I am thankful that he has just as wild an imagination as I do. It just seems strange to me, that I can have these 2 people living in my brain. 'bad girl' was feeling like I am letting her die off and I really didn't want to be stuck with just 'good girl'

Laurie: I like your way of thinking. We even talked about doing something like that. Then we both cracked up laughing as our version had me getting arrested for prostitution and trying to explain to a judge that the trick I was trying to pick up was my own husband!

Dying to break the shell

7:39 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by drdog
Living in a tiny, rural, repressed town tends to do that to someone like me. The consequences of breaking the mold in any but trivial ways are too dire.

I have a wilder side, too, but I don't let it out too often, and never close to home. Plus, I'm married, and my wife is even more repressed than I am. I have always wanted to find someone who is a free spirit who I can have fun with. Have only found one woman like that. Are they really so rare? Am I the only person around here dying to break out of that shell? I doubt it, but ... I have to be careful. Thank God they can't read my mind.

Untitled Comment

7:51 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by littleMissConfused
"Living in a tiny, rural, repressed town tends to do that to someone like me. The consequences of breaking the mold in any but trivial ways are too dire."

I think that has a lot to do with it. I once told some one ,after asking a very personal question, that the reason I choose them to ask such a question, was because "I would never run into them at the grocery store" Now I work at one and see just about every person that lives in our small town. I take my job seriously and love being the "sweet neighborhood cashier" I think that is the way many of the people in my town see me....the good gilr. The few times the "bad girl" has snuck out, I see the look of shock on their faces. Like the day I dropped a 20 pound block of ice on my foot and a string of very un-lady like words came out of my mouth.....the look of shock on the customers faces and the silence that followed were almost comical......If only they knew the other un-lady like things I was thinking about!

Untitled Comment

8:59 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by birdsnest
man i was having this exact same convo with a friend. but my "bad boy" side is very very violent.
and buried really deep.
i fear it ever coming out.

Untitled Comment

9:44 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by sarai
My two sides aren't so different, one me is the mature, sensible dressing, old married woman I think I should be, the other side is the silly, weird dressing, wild young flirty gal I wish to be, I can be both many times throughout my week, Styles likes the one, I need to be the other at times, the flirty side doesn't get me in to much trouble thankfully, the only people who see it are Big Scott(who is married and a horrible flirt but safe)and a few online friends, and they are states(or even oceans) away so no harm there.

Untitled Comment

10:04 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by birdsnest
hey we have a car ya know.
:P

Untitled Comment

10:22 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by littleMissConfused
It's weird, but it is like the two parts of me are at battle. The 'bad girl' doesn't want to give up, but the 'good girl' knows society would never accept the 'bad girl' and after hiding the 'bad girl' for so long, people would think I am crazy or at the least...having some kind of mid-life crisis if i let her loose.

My 'bad girl' was never dangerous to any one except herself....and that is the part I fear.

Untitled Comment

10:58 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by sarai
hey we have a car ya know.
yes I'm sure they do but I highly doubt that either guy I'm thinking about would come see me...

Untitled Comment

11:03 AM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by birdsnest
:P

Untitled Comment

12:41 PM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by LauriesAsylum
My 'bad girl' was never dangerous to any one except herself....and that is the part I fear.

Then maybe that bad girl part needs to stay where it is, there is a reason you are keeping her hidden.:)

Untitled Comment

2:34 PM, February 25, 2008 .. Posted by slayerbarbie
Bad girl must come out in small doses, and she must never, ever do anything that's detrimental to your health, happiness, or physical safety. Other than that, let 'er rip.

Untitled Comment

8:44 PM, February 26, 2008 .. Posted by thebigp
Girl, let me tell you something. You aren't the only one with two very different people living in your head. I just have yet to get with the right girl to let Evil Phil out with.